you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
this will be a night to untag.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
