You're a womanizer and a bitch.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
