Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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