After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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