I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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