dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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