it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
