Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
