She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
