fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
