I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Of course I have a pirate flag
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
