i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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