You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
