He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Randomize
