Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
