She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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