Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize
