I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
