Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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