Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
