I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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