Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
