Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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