i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You have to summon your inner elephant
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
