I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
