Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
