Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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