someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
