If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize