Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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