The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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