Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
