I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize