Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
