even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
