there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
