Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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