i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I need moral support for this bender
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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