my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
