after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
