what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
