I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
