he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
