Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
