Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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