his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Let's get the cat blown out
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
