Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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