i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
