apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
