We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
