Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
