Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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