My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
