you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
