Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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