Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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