You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Maybe he injected his testicle?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
