Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
