dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I have fence marks all over my body
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
