Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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