My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
At least life still wants to fuck me.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
