I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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