dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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