Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Vodka?
Forever.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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