My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
